August 7, 2011

Comfortably Numb

That unfathomable feeling of not having left the campus, despite having been at home for over two months, is finally beginning to dissolve. Very similar to the first time I came to Pilani, I have fresh memories of the summer holidays: full of laughter and laziness.

I was totally enervated even before I began this final voyage but was mentally invigorated by three numbing images.
  • Looking at the clock on the platform through the Airport Express metros: slick and secreting the suaveness hormone.
  • Clouds chasing each other in the burning sky, behind the unaware tree silhouettes as I listened to One Republic: 'I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue'
  • And a purge of emotions as the stone revealed 'PILANI 21' in the lightning: beautiful rain.
Waking up from a peaceful sleep and looking around, the familiar buildings and rooms, I can't help but think that maybe I've not been away for so long after all :)

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that life seems more vegetated here yet full of joie de vivre; more stoic yet poignant; more nostalgic and yet home-like. Maybe its just that I enjoy the feeling that I belong here unlike the transitoriness at home.

Somewhere I belong.

July 31, 2011


After recollecting all the high-level politics that comes into play when you are forming a wing for the first time, it felt a little funny and awkward looking into the faces of people we fought against. Did it really matter? The wing? Well it did. To begin with, these are friends forever. 

1) Keeping up his tradition of being the emotional bin for chowkidars, superintendents and dhobis KC got the honor few people can dream of: backee to the chowki. He had to wait till the 3rd year for this. 

Routine: Mostly in 173, with a habit of staying up all night and sleeping till the evening.
Identification: Sniggering,  Howling in the wing and ordering "bhaiya ek moosambhi" at the redi. 
Powers: Can guess 10 different endings to a given story and would rarely be surprised at the twists story writers can dream of. His movie ideas are still in the B-grade stage hopefully he would come out of that :D
Beware: Of getting centered by him. Period.

2) Laddu mama, the face of the wing. When he is around the wing, he is around the wing.

Routine: Uday can be seen going from room to room, ground to ground, sharing and disseminating football gyan, a little bit of Mathematics and general knowledge. Don't let the Hagrid figure fool you, he plays a lot and moves fast, and the only time you shouldn't disturb him is after 12 when he is usually swimming on the bed with his laptop.

Identification: Entertainment knows no bounds, when he is on rounds. People can be seen laughing their asses off or getting ripped by him.
Powers: Cool, never loses his mind and always cracks legendary jokes; which KC and I spread afar. 
Beware: Of any physical duel, you may not recover. Period.

3) Then there's me. Uday the poet wrote this down for me: 
In 175 the bandar will reside
The lock on the door for all eternity
With his dreams and joys he is beside
Invisible to all the human fraternity

Identification: Whenever you knock on the room you are sure to hear a "Who is it?" filter before I finally opened it.
Powers: Staying locked up in room, spending time online and secretively.  Filmy dialogues mostly from Don. 
Beware: Of chatting on GTalk. Period.

4) The dewd of our wing. Rachcha. His journey at BITS started with a quest for a transfer to Economics (which automatically guaranteed him a dual in CS). Next it was a transfer to the spiritual world to understand humans and himself and learn philosophy, psychology and mythology all at once.
And finally it culminated with a transfer into the worldly life where he shone above everyone else in enjoyment, entertainment and even studying.


  • First year you could identify him with his branded clothing 
  • Second year with his conspicuous absence during meal times. 
  • Third year with his Facebook feed and status updates. 
  • Fourth year with loooouuuddd music. 
  • Final year during his PS he could be seen partying all the way. 
Powers: Programming, Rajinikant hairstyle and lots of vibration. He dances too and can swim, play tennis and give lectures about philosophy, spirituality, etc. although they are often countered by Uday and me. 
Beware: Haha not required, he's always the teddy bear. Period. 

5) Wdaru Harsha, the tutor of the batch who cracked both Mathematics and CS CDCs left-right-and-center.

Also, my wingie for 4 years straight; since first year. Somehow there has always been two room spaces in between but had some of the most awesome times with him; like the initial days of college where we used to run away from the seniors or the World Cup Final, where we screamed into each other's faces when Dhoni smashed the winning runs. Unforgettable.

Identification: Mocking laughter, resounding ante raaaaa, the neatest room in the hostel with a place for everything and everything in its place.
Powers: Super analyzing abilities, snide commentary, and lots of concepts. But he's neither a nerd nor a ghot. 
Beware: Of any intellectual duel, you may not recover. Period. 

6) Madla, another Harsha. 
He was a sidee to 24 people including himself (he lived next to the bogs for a year) and we used to call him Madla or Mod or |la| so much that people thought it was his real name.

Identification: Folded on the bed, in front of the laptop for most of the time. Plays, watches, eats, sleeps cricket, loves Pawan Kalyan and anything to do with him.
Powers: Only guy who could handle fat ass and make him bend to his will. 
Beware: Of any verbal duel, you may not recover. Period.

Well they were certainly some good times and bad times but in the end we got through them all :)

July 22, 2011

Overcoming inhibitions

I was literally scared of talking with a few people, why I don't know. I called it shyness for a long time or Autism (just to sophisticate.) I met a few class girls yesterday; the same people I would have run away from a few years ago. And I realized how very normal they were, that I was very foolish to get scared! Missed quite a lot of fun at school :)

I saw that the junior batches had more bonding within the class on an average - yes! you're right: messenger, cellphones, Facebook/Orkut... the same things which helped me to re-connect :D

July 20, 2011

Thoughts of a newbie ...!

Its been a year now....

I still smell the fresh lush green grass and the blue waters of Bangalore. The weather,friends, traffic, streets, adventures, training sessions and office..! I miss those days..!

Initial Phase
It was during December and I was tagged to my first project @office.

Being a part of my team @work was never great, in the initial stages. May be because I was a neophyte or may be I was the youngest resource, also I wasn't an extrovert the first few days.

I was jealous.............. (The J factor thats mostly seen in kids), jealous when my friends talked hours together about their outings & the kind of fun they had with their team.

I almost would have become an introvert and gloomy, such were the days!! 
Reason : 
 *I used to have my lunch alone and would wait eagerly to meet my pals whose timings would clash with    
   those of mine and, it was a pathetic period of time for me.
 *Being the only one @ my project (none of my friends with me) was like addition of oil to the already lit     
 *@home I would spend a few minutes with grandfather and then I go .. off to bed.
   I Could never expect mom's company , as she was busy and tired by then.
 *I did spend a month or two in solitude. The kind that I did not want to be in.
 *The more I expect for something, the less of it I received.

Aww .. I just couldn't get over those feelings.

Latter Phase

Well .. apart from my team mates, I have some trustworthy, broadminded and fun loving gang of friends whose words flattered and enlightened me with certain facts.
May be I actually knew the facts of life, a few of which I follow and few others which I don't.
To follow those that I hardly did was mandatory for me and also the key factor which kept me moving even during tough times.

Humans are designed or programmed, such that, they can adapt themselves to any kind of situation on earth. 
It did take time for me to recover and adapt my self....
Adapt myself .. to the new work env,
                       new mates, 
                       new place ,
                       an undoubtedly tough place for an extrovert like me.
Work place did teach me to be an introvert ( this I am, only @ my cubicle :D !!) which is very necessary in Corporate world!

In no time I got close to my team mates and we had fun being @office inside our cubicles @ our desks.
We became great bench-mates I would say, provided we were in a school :P.
We had gone for a team lunch two months ago and that was my first and last outing till date.
Being with my team has taught me to be a better person, in many ways.

Learnings .. Aftermath
           .. to live life even when alone.
              to laugh out whenever possible.
              to be a part of those who are energetic, fun loving and positive.
              to accept the fact that past is sweet to just visit it and not to live in it.
              to make the best use of time.
Spend time by being  with school friends (they are the closest among all pals), reading, with hobbies, with family but with positive energy around.

My only request...
To : Positive Energy,
is ..
... Stay by my side always.. !
From : A Learner who was once a Newbie.

PS: Many who are a  part of my life, play a crucial role, especially for having brought out the best in me. I shall always be thankful to them!

Letting it go

To what extent can you tolerate the annoying habits of your friends? Imagine giving the straightforward and churlish neighbor a tight slap, the parsimonious childhood friend a huge birthday bill... ah the sadistic pleasure it generates. Unnecessary, not needed at all...

All of us find one or the other habit in others which is annoying and which apparently seems to spoil the relation. But how many of us ourselves will be ready to change just because one or two people (however close a person, he or she still counts as only one) find that something about us annoys them? Imagine, when we quite enjoying ourselves, people come and tell that we are being mean and selfish; that it is all our fault. 

As long as we are not being annoying on purpose, it is absolutely fine to retort or ignore. If we realize that we are at fault, there is no other go but capitulate to change. Although we seem to be the compromising party, we gain immensely as far as emotional maturity is concerned. Also, it is a signal for us that we ought to leave behind certain things which no longer make sense. So what if he is straightforward? His words don't seem churlish any more. I don't care even if it does!

That's the story so far as the self is concerned. What do you do when you encounter such people or situations? Do you turn idealistic and start a lecture that might turn the relation sour? Or do you salvage your pride and let them go until they realize on their own? Both will work! But to people who have been great friends in the past, letting them go is a better option. 

To friends, old and new. 

PS. Till a few months ago, I used to find absolutely irritating the common tendency in friends to disparage people or be cynical to the extent of making bad things happen or like my dear friend, furiously try to show that they are better. Just wondering why these actions are not having an impact anymore :)  

This maturity plus controlled temper make a formidable combination.

July 18, 2011

So, what is love?

All of us come across this question, don't we? Most of us try to find out the meaning ourselves because, like many other things in life, it doesn't have fixed answers and tends to be objective (unless you are intrepid enough, to put faith in filmy love). So here's my diagnosis: 

Feeling close to some people
Most of our teenage love stories start this way. We like talking specifically with one person, spending time with them and agreeing with anything they say. However, pure though it maybe, it is naive and one or the other person grows out of the relation. 

But there is hope in this one. How many times haven't we heard of people marrying their old classmates and the like? 
Helping each other out
What better than a friend who patiently listens to your troubles and shows you the path ahead; every single time you need help. You trust him/her from the point of forgetting to say "Don't tell this to anyone!" to the extreme of "Oh my god! You won't believe what just happened."

But again it is not all that successful unless well-planned out. Careers are sacrificed, proximity is prioritized and family gets a push over and it still works; only because it wasn't meant to fail. 

So, what is love?
From whatever little understanding I have had, love is ultimately about finding that one person who makes you think that everything with them would be perfect and only you would know who that is. That inner thought, subconscious feeling or whatever it is, will guide you. It is both futile and cowardly to ignore it. 

There is, however, one concern for the urbane mind. Assuming that you are no philanderer, how do you know which of your 'likes' will be a perfect match for you? With the friends I have grown up, dating is a no-no but that definitely needs to change. Analyze to realize that it is a win-win situation.

Love, like life itself, will yield new meaning each time we try to decipher it; which is why it is universally accepted as an integral part of life. 

July 14, 2011

Loose control

For a very long time I have abstained myself from getting angry and was equable even when my fingers gave away. The price I paid for the emotional control was quite high and mostly in time. Either taking time to cool down or gather patience or virtually torture the person. So, I simply avoided things which I didn't like or which upset my mood.

But in the last few days, it has been excessively difficult to control and the main reason for that being traffic. Whether I've learnt to find faults with others' driving or they are driving senselessly by habit, these veterans respond faster to abuses then the horn or indicator. Provoked by their vulnerability, I would stare into their eyes and "beep". But I've kept a controller in place: if its kids or women on the bike I won't say a thing. Unless, the driver is foolish enough to find fault with me. He, he.

May 14, 2011

Empty thoughts: entering psenti sem

As far as I could imagine, I did. I never thought this day would ever come, ever!

Facing it is has been even more difficult and shattering.

The people whom you've spent a large part of the last FOUR YEARS will not be available as sidees, wingies or redi-companions anymore. We would meet, no doubt, but not here. We would crack jokes on one another but not sitting like Greek gods with backs rested against the walls. We would call each other but not by blasting the door or calling out nicknames.

This is something beyond friendship, brotherhood, neighborhood, etc. Name, place, animal, thing; all falling as one giant tear drop: nostalgia.

Is it over? Is it really over? It feels so incomplete.


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