How I feel

Its been almost a year when I first jotted some stuff for this post and left it at that. And I thought to myself

"A lot has taken place over the last one year. And I think there is no reason why I shouldn't be putting down what I learnt continuously and consistently over time."

Ironically, its actually been a year since I thought its been a year last time.

1. Clarity: I have always had late realizations about some things in life but they strike so strongly that the journey, to epiphany, is my way of understanding life. But they clear so many doubts that you just start feeling a little wiser.
   
   
   
   
   
2. Finding what you love- This is just so bloody important for living. Should never give up
   

   

   The soft version

   

   The confident version
   
   
   The hard version

3. Get rid of some baggage: One of my close friends always kept telling me that I needn't try to be nice to everybody. Honestly, I was never trying to do that. I always sought to get myself in the right direction although I keep making mistakes. I tried to explain but the sort of impression childhood friends have about you, its difficult for them to get rid of it. But I don't see the reason to do that anymore if he/she really had to understand they would've understood long back.
   
   
   
4. About relationships- I've often been told that when you tread that friendship-love boundary we tend to spoil the magic, that keeping it a guessing game is what girls like to do. But on the contrary, I met someone who didn't have such mental contortions and lived life the way I imagined it should be. We shouldn't restrict our thinking or tell ourselves that this is the limit. When you care for someone, we should let them know. And similarly, when you love someone we should let them know.
   
   

   

   Endorsed. 

   
   
5. Numbing your senses- Again, self-control is not about denying your senses, its about not having the mind wander in the first place. Numbing senses or denying impulse can be detrimental in that they can rebel back too!

And this also was supposed to be post#75 on this blog. (I think it would be post#85 now :D) Need to publish out a few drafts and clean-up stuff. Now that I've cleared stuff with people who mattered, need to clean-up stuff and put forth stuff that matters. 

Cheers! :) 

Being yourself

"Be yourself" is perhaps one of the most obvious advise people would give or get. But is it really so easy to respond to every inner feeling and impulse you have and actually be yourself all the time?

To be able to fully realize ourselves and our abilities, takes time for one thing and for another it takes a lot of courage. We should not grow according to the societal settings and restrictions - we are not creepers. Rather, its important to find ourselves in the crowd and grow to our full potential just being ourselves all the way.

Like doing things which are both true and right is sometimes the most difficult thing to do; being yourself - which is both the truth and the right thing is also difficult.

Escaping the escapism of pretending to be someone else when faced with trouble and not wanting to confront a situation lest it lead to depression is one challenge.

The other thing is living with the knowledge that you have to face the situation one or the other day. Even denying your senses would cause the senses to rebel against you sooner or later.

Then there's a little peer pressure, of what the society would think; but hey its your life. Let someone else not decide what you are worth or what you should be doing. You do it serenely calmly and reach your full potential.

Of course it doesn't matter, but don't let them get away with the wrong idea. The wrong ideas spread faster. 

Just a retrospection than anything else :) that's totally me :D

WAR

WAR. I've been on a war mission the last six months of

• trying to make people understand some problems, they found it odd why I stood up for others. 
• unravel the mysteries behind their behavior, it was almost always about wanting to be right. 
• telling them what's really happening, they assume what you see is what you get. 

But a war doesn't start of course start in one day, it takes a lot of time to get provoked to the ultimate step. And I guess I sort of ignited it myself a couple (or more) of years ago mainly by bottling up my feelings -- simply for the reason that there really wasn't anyone whom I could discuss the whole thing with.

WAR be it hot, cold or lukewarm tests you, throttles you and makes you doubt every single assumption and yes there's killing. It kills a lot of feelings but also blesses you with an immense deal of realizations:

• Bottling up feelings 
• Either they are too childish/silly to really still feel bad even though you try hard explaining about it e.g., "You didn't say thank you when I gave you the pencil during an exam."
• Or people have long forgotten the issue and they are sometimes not even aware that such a thing has happened e.g., "I failed the exam because you gave me a blunt pencil, on purpose!"
  
• Standing up for others
• I for one am over sensitive to things that are close to me and expect that everyone is the same and that they would feel bad. Not everyone can do it, people are afraid of becoming the bad guy and why would you be afraid if you were good you would either expect people to understand their mistake or realize if you've made one.

• Friendship needs caring
• I never really believed this quote: "Friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely" 
  But as time passed by, I realize its importance and why a frustrated friend is not always to be ignored. 
• Some gospel to take away
  Those who don't understand you or who make you feel comfortable avoid them as far as possible, move on. Those who are close to you, you would always care for them and can derive happiness even just by talking to them. And those who understand you, don't hesitate, vent it all out -- because a sanity check and scheduled cleanup are always in order.

• Last and the best, WAR itself reads: Without Any Reason
• People from the outside, would view it that way or make some fancy assumptions as to what would have happened. 
• People involved become so engrossed in winning over the other that they actually forget the true reason why situation started. In some cases it maybe genuinely long drawn but both the parties must be aware of it. 

Now I have people to discuss it with, share the burden along, empty the bottled up feelings vent out anger fear and frustration and then when I look back, What I see? Just an empty winding road like a cassette tape suddenly pulled out of the stereo.
(To be continued)