August 15, 2008

Independently....

Time: 04.20 am, Date: 15th August

So what does it mean when a hosteler wakes up at 1.30 in the morning just because he's not able to gather sleep? He controls his knotty mind and tries to sleep it off but its impossible getting sleep thanks to the beats played in the hostel. Around 3.00 he decides to read his old diary entries ( although highly irregular ).

First year seems long ago but the memories are so fresh. I could imagine myself walking down the corridors, like a century ago; having a go with the aftershave; an elaichi tea at 2.00 in the morning. Parallely, childhood images crop up: this time a small boy in checked navy blue uniform and dark blue flaps staring back from an LKG photograph.

There has been a certain amount of change from 1st year: maybe this time, school's really out. Full of energy, yeah! but the thoughts bother me. Dawned to me that the usually-called 'childish thoughts' matter a lot. They are closer to the heart and the lowest level of abstraction. The system may crash but these are the thoughts that are more 'we' than we ourselves. Yeah that confuses... Shit man! its been hard.

Suffice to say that the mind is clearer when you put the thoughts down: takes time but we always tend to overestimate the problem. If we are honest, things become simpler no matter how insecure it may make us feel.

Suffice to say that there are no fixed ways of thinking: Maria Agnesi was working on a problem late into the night; then she woke up mid way through sleep and wrote down something before dozing off again. She woke up the next day wondering how she arrived at the solution :
" sustained thoughts will always stand out " .
[ For those interested, the following was the curve she scribbled

y=8a3/(x2 + 4a2 )
It came to be called " The Witch of Agnesi " ].

Suffice it to say that the bed creaks from the adjacent rooms, the music flowing down the stairs and ( maybe ) lights in a faraway place assure that I'm not the only one with these things in mind.
Time: 5.00 am.
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