December 15, 2012


I'm twenty three now, two-three, 23. Being 22 seems only like yesterday and it was hell of a fun year.

I saved so many notes on my old Nokia phone way back in 2007 through 2009, about college and life; things I wanted to remember, happiness, fear, sadness or whatever. And for each of those notes I set up a reminder in 2012 (the year I would be graduating). So almost every day of the year I revisited those notes recollecting what happened, how exactly I felt and whether I was able to connect the dots. And just how much I've changed over the years.

The journey is about the people I always cared about: friends and family. People who understood me, taught me and just had so many things to learn from. So I've just been laid back switching off my brain and engaging with them. I would often get so entrenched in their company that I'm blissfully unaware of what is happening around me. And I had to make a conscious effort to start realizing that I shouldn't get so lost. I think I'm doing much better now.

I am in this deeply-layered story of friends, relations, dreams and thoughts; the same existentialist feeling occupies me- where is this going. But I think I know what's coming: Transition.

Can't wait to revisit this.


September 23, 2012

Where is this going?

I am sure I have asked myself this question a lot of times. Be it on the beach, just staring in silence at the splashing sea waves; or on my regular evening visits to the temple around the Shiv Ganga lake; or more recently, on my way back from the office listening to childhood songs and staring at the night traffic with half-open eyes.

It always makes sense to go according to a plan:

  • strategize every single move
  • calculate the associated risk
  • finally arrive at the desired result(s).
But sometimes, we do things just because we feel like doing it. Be it
  • simple things like re-watching a movie just for getting together with friends
  • letting go of all the childish things that defined us or
  • pitching ideas in a team meeting.

While it is definitely possible that both approaches take us to the same result eventually, the difference lies in one single factor: control. No, not self-control. (more on this in another post)

We all like to be in control of things. To know where the road is headed, what's happening with friends, how small efforts daily lead to huge results in the long run. So when we make our plans and start executing them, it makes us feel secure that we know where we are going and when such things are completed successfully we move on to the next 'big' thing. Although there will be huge challenges along the way, there isn't really much of a drift in our approach or thought process. And when we are doing the same things repeatedly then we are easily replaceable. 
So what really seemed long term, turned out to be termed as 'long failure'
But when it comes to making those on-the-spot decisions and listening to the inner voice or using some emotional intelligence we are never in control. 
  • Are we in control of how sorry the small kids at the traffic signal make us feel on a busy workday
  • Or how our interviewer's mood is when we enter the room for our turn.
We are not in control of anything here, except perhaps our access to the mental faculty in order to take or break the chances.

Even while writing this, rather quick, blog post I really didn't know how I would end it. But I started it, to see where the thoughts would flow and in my search for some relevant photographs I came across this quote. And it formed the theme for what I wanted to express. This is close to being a human as one can be or from the other side, as far from a machine as one can be. Not my writing this, but the quote below :)
If you spend time looking behind you you'll miss the beautiful path that the universe has laid before you. There's only one thing that you're truly in control of, and that's the decision to take the first step. Be brave, be happy & be love. 

And in retrospect that is what I did, I had no plan, no idea where this is going, no specific intention but I took all the (first) steps I wanted to and the paths knit together by itself.

August 23, 2012


Its been a month since the convocation back in Pilani and what I'm left with are the fleeting but strong moments and they don't seem to ever leave. Uday said he would write about the experience in a 'non-gay' manner (whatever that means) but I knew that Nobel prize winning piece will take a little longer to come out so as usual I go first.

The convo started with Uday and me rushing to make it to the rehearsal scheduled at 4 PM. And me distorting reality by getting him to believe that I would be catching the 9 AM train from Delhi Cantt whereas I was supposed to reach Delhi airport at 8:40 AM.

9:00 AM 
I start coming out of the airport hoping to catch the network. Call Uday who's waiting near the station. 

9:30 AM 
We decide to reach ISBT and catch a bus to Pilani but we end up missing it just. 

9:45 AM: 
Collected Uday from the railway station where we were supposed to board a train at 9 :D

11:00 AM: 
We started from ISBT in the legendary Haryana roadways and knew the familiar torture we put ourselves into. Scorching heat, crowded bus, traffic and a drugged sleep.

4:00 PM: 
After a lot of sleeping and swaying finally we make it to Loharu.

4:15 PM
So then we called up some friends attending the rehearsal and they replied in a sweet voice that if we missed the rehearsal we would not be allowed to attend the main event the next day. Part of the curse of being a dualite is that you need to know two generations on either side when you needed favors like these.

4:30 PM
I started wondering if I unnecessarily postponed the journey for the morning just for watching Dark Knight Rises on Friday night itself. But I didn't worry about it too much, because anyways I would thoroughly enjoy irritating everyone with spoilers from the movie except of course, Uday who envisioned the movie in his head by reading the comic :P Just kidding being a cat woman fan he ensured that he watched the movie on Friday itself.

4:45 PM 

Reached the hostel and after abusing the driver a little more we reached the room. Clever Pilani boys put the keys somewhere on top of the ventilator. Reached for them, opened the door, threw our luggage in the room and picked up our convo gowns. And started sprinting from VK to the Audi. 

4:55 PM
Huffing and puffing we reached the Audi, just to find out that the dual degree students call just started.

5:00 PM
Our names were announced and we had to go on stage to collect the mock certificate and then it dawned realize we made it in time :D

That was the epic start to Convo 2012.


What follows next is a bit of random notes, really couldn't put myself to string them together. Maybe I'd write a program that would take the keywords and string them together into whole sentences, like some of the English journalist essay questions in school exams. 

imag 0645

The BITS Pilani journey of course does not end with clearing all the courses and taking your certificates as BITSAA proclaims "the journey continues...". But its time for the feeling of graduation to sink in. We are graduates of BITS Pilani and nobody can change that.

Its time to look back a little bit and learn where our strengths lie

what 'trying out' means

capture those moments so that u can go revisit them anytime

One day I would like to raise a toast standing in front of the clock tower. To Pilani: my muse, my beloved, my ... :D

the fingers pic with the caption

Sitting in the auditorium at BITS Pilani I suddenly started to feel weak, not physically but mentally. How does anyone get the energy to do so many things? Why is there a need for us to constantly re-invent or challenge the status quo. Explains why some people in the government are fed up by it. 

And the answer ultimately is that we take on extraordinary challenges and  because of our passion: be it towards programming, Something tells me I have found my passion in business development, but how can I be sure about it when 

How can champions have that much of extraordinary passion? And as I go to take the degree certificate

May 28, 2012

On reserve fuel mode

Usually it would take exactly 3 months for me to start missing home, even while at college and amongst the best of friends. Somehow, going home and coming back gave a recharged feeling :) 

But this time around it has taken much longer, maybe because now I'm in an altogether new place.
Starting to feel a little homesick :) 

May 8, 2012

The night time conversations

So lately I have been having quite a lot of interesting conversations with friends about life, friendship, family and such. On the one hand you realize how similar everybody's journeys are to begin with. But each one's goes on a different route altogether later on.

What's interesting though is how everybody's journey has something to contribute to our understanding of the world and people around us. And also, make sense of many of the things which have happened in our own lives. I mean think about, its only when you start discussing about how you are feeling or what your opinion is, that you start self-analyzing or reflecting on your own life. And we need to do that reflecting once in a while, whether it be a lonely walk across the canal or talking to the moon from your terrace.  

So here are some collaborated conclusions, open to debate or discussion.

We can never say what is right or wrong, what is wrong here might be right (or may not be considered wrong) somewhere else so we should look for a frame of reference within ourselves; not in the outside world. 

Simply put, what was wrong in school wasn't wrong in college, what was wrong in college is a given in university. What is considered wrong in university is an absolute necessity in the outside world. 

So, if your heart/mind says this is wrong abstain; if it says its right do it; if its not sure you have to do it to find out which category it belongs to. 

It is difficult to follow the right path

As I came in here, I heard those words, "cradle of leadership." Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here, it has fallen! I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong; I'm not a judge or jury. But I can tell you this — he won't sell anybody out to buy his future! And that, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. That's the stuff leaders should be made of.  
Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was; without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too...damn...hard. Now here's Charlie, he's come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle, that leads to character. 
For example, It is very difficult not to expect anything from friendship or relationship but we should tend towards that. Ultimately we already know what the right thing is, it is pretty straightforward yet it is kind of difficult to tread on it when there are a multitude of distractions and attractions.

A guy is required to keep the friendship between girls and vice-versa. 

I'd rather not comment about this :D

As long as your intentions are not wrong it is alright

Not for pacifying oneself but as long as we never tried to hurt someone we have a clear conscience and can be peaceful.

What is love?

It cannot be explained, it must be felt might be the most cliched answer but in the end that is the only thing one can state definitively. Different people experience love in different ways and it is something totally personal to them and they have that right over it.

Are you listening or sleeping? I'm giving you some pearls here. Dishkhaw. :P

(Update: was planning to expand on all the subheadings but trusting the intelligence of the reader to fill in the examples :)) 

April 25, 2012

Getting Things Done

Some of the the important things in life like

  • dreaming
  • enjoying nature
  • spreading happiness
categorize as critical skills. Whereas when we talk about
  • dreaming big
  • enjoying life to the fullest
  • achievement and success
delivery skills are more important. 

Doing things. 

Somehow, somewhere, I lost track of delivering things and started prolonging many of them which ended up in avoidable failures. Be it the assignments, report requested within an hour or a utility to be delivered in a week but yet-to-deployed even after a month. 


Distraction. Digression. Deliberation. And finally, Frustration. So much of it that I had to give up some things to lessen the heaviness on the head. Be it an undelivered college magazine, re-applying for an ATM card, many a missed grade in courses. Sheesh! That was so painful. Obviously, the best thing to do was to get rid of the extra weight and focus on a few things and that I did. But, I was sure these things would come back and come they have, with a lot of guilt. 

Doing things, not just what you are doing today or tomorrow, but also finishing what you were meant to yesterday or the day before that. 


In the first month at gym I ran with a motivation that with each passing day I was getting closer to  understand the problems which were stopping me from finishing what I had to do. 
  1. Believing that I wasn't ready
  2. Using a comprehensive/complicated approach

Doing things, not just from past, present and future but also on a learn-as-you-do basis and by breaking it down into simpler tasks. 


There are so many people to learn from, so many resources, how do you go ahead with improving yourself or growing? Simple! Understand how your friends do it, how the people at work do it and how the best in the field do it. Option 3 has always been my choice but one has to concentrate on the immediate circles first; rather than penetrating from the outside expand from the inside. 

Doing things, from past, present and future on a learn-as-you-do basis not just by breaking it down into simpler tasks but by observing how the others around you do it or from the best in the field. 

I like this sort of incremental approach towards things, keeps your head always ticking. Oh and by the way, I am not afraid anymore. 

February 18, 2012

Under the starry sky

Like everyday, we went out on our post-dinner walks alongside the canal and got to the regular spot. The tiresomeness of the week and in particular of today's was very evident from the fact that none of us were talking very much and were in slightly touchy moods.

We sat for a moment and then lay down allowing a full view of the night sky stretching from eye to eye. Staring at stars can do one of the following to you:
  • Make you recall the times when you lay down simply looking at the stars. Repeat. 
  • Take you back in time and also make you think of the future: how the stars would look the next time, whether we would remember this moment. Repeat. 
  • And importantly, take you to different locations. How many people from how many places are currently looking at the same sky with the same feelings. Repeat. 
I traveled back to the places and the people, trying to make sense out of random things. Ironically, the book title which caught my attention today read "Fooled by randomness" 

Lesson: Don't be fooled by the randomness! 

February 11, 2012

~~ A spoiler ~~ O_o ?#@!#!

I always felt weird, rather funny when my cousins and a few of my friends yelled at me for revealing/sharing parts of a movie or a novel in fragments.

I felt an individual would watch that movie or read that book irrespective of me giving them parts of it.

I dint really know that the thrill or excitement of watching  a movie would be lost when they get to know even the slightest part of the movie before hand! For I, would watch a movie I intend to, with full interest and a clear mind even if some one had told me about it earlier!
Different mindsets and different school of thought of course,
                            but now, 
I know 
of having posted a spoiler.

Here's the Story

~~ A Spolier ~~
It was on MA (the chat line used by UBS). People across the globe, who work for UBS(which is obvious) are present on MA.
There is a channel #Film_Society on MA where in one can find some real good list of movies watched by individuals.
I had watched Vertigo(1958, Alfred Hitchcock's) last night and I happened to post on #Film_Society about that movie. 
I said ...
               "Watched Vertigo yesterday, for a while I thought all that drama by Madeline/Judy was to help Scottie over come his acrophobia (Was reminded of Shutter Island), 
but a nice twist at the end (the Murder of Gavin's wife)."
Literally I would have been thwacked with king sized Solanum lycopersicum and eggs for having revealed the movie in short. That was a massive spoiler to many movie lovers and they were all disheartened. The kind of feeling kids usually get when they miss Birthday Surprises ! o_O ~~ 
I apologized for having thrown a spoiler and they insisted each one to forewarn people about spoilers from any one henceforth. 

End Story


A few commandments to ensure you don't hurt movie lovers

* Thou play not with others emotions (like thrill,  Euphoria ExcitementCuriosity,) 
* Thou must ensure that you warn people in prior in order to not dishearten them.
* Thou should learn to control thou excitement and must take great care before posting stuff that could screw you left right center!!

~~~ A lesson learnt ~~~ 

The small moments that make up life

Its raining today, the sort of rain which would make little children go happy with excitement although it is a gloomy scene outside. Thunder, dark clouds, more rain and cool breeze; it couldn't get better. We associate many things in life with our senses/feelings about different things.

  • Doesn't the sight of little kids riding with their siblings on bicycles transport you to the time when you had such rides too?
  • Or the smell of your old books carry you back to the time when your warm hands were actually writing something on it? 
  • As you prepare to leave your first year hostel doesn't the smallest of breeze brings back memories although you never noticed the breeze let alone how you felt when it blew. 

I like re-watching movies which I associate with a particular weather and particular mood, and so today I decided to watch Dhobi Ghat, the sound of rain numbed by the windows in the background. The film is about memories, places, emotions and of finding meaning in the smallest of things. And its characters are as real as one could get.

Its a sort of movie which would make you want to go back in time and search for those things your life is made up of. It makes you feel more conscious of everything, and be a little alone and spend time with yourself. Maybe walk by the beach and just listen to the sea, wave after wave. Or lie flat on the roof and watch the twinkling stars, losing count every now and then. Or just breathe in the fresh smell of rain hitting the earth, looking at the many many drops...

If these small things can take you back in time, they can take you ahead as well! 

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